


HOMESTUCK EPILOGUES: BREAKFAST ROUTE (INTRO)

by AuntJimothy



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Meta, Multi, The Homestuck Epilogues, Warnings May Change, hopefully this is going somewhere so i'll change this later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22678915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuntJimothy/pseuds/AuntJimothy
Summary: We're going to help John (and everyone else by extension) work through his depression and its associated issues, by having him make some slightly better choices.For example, why not go back and eat a balanced breakfast before we bother with any of that nasty Lord English business?
Relationships: Calliope/Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker & Jake English & Roxy Lalonde & Dirk Strider, June Egbert/Dave Strider
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	HOMESTUCK EPILOGUES: BREAKFAST ROUTE (INTRO)

[VOICE OF GOD: ok just pretend the rest of the prologue is here thx]

Just go with your gut. Don’t sweat the small stuff. There are much more important things out there to fuck yourself up over.

_> Choose:_

[ ](https://www.homestuck.com/epilogues/meat/1)

_***BIG OL’ TUMMY-RUMBLE SOUND*** _

...

Your gut has made its opinion on the matter known, the embarrassment bludgeoning anything remotely decisive about reality-defining picnic menus swiftly out of your head.

JOHN: ...

ROXY: john?

ROXY: ...

ROXY: john have u eaten anything today

ROXY: like at all?

JOHN: i mean, not intentionally no... but don’t people swallow bugs and spiders in their sleep or something? that’s nutrients, right?

ROXY: ok first of all spiders arent real

ROXY: and second!

She turns to Calliope, with an expression still in the process of debating whether it wants to be amused or concerned.

ROXY: big plate of raw meat or a mountain of candy cant be the first thing he eats today :(

CALLIOPE: oh, and why not?

ROXY: because human digestions a fickle bitch babe

ROXY: its gonna be barf city up in here like that one time we dared jake to drink sopor slime

CALLIOPE: oh dear, what if he becomes ill dUring the fight with my brother?

CALLIOPE: if yoU decide to go that is, john!

ROXY: if u angle it right u could stain his dumbass suspenders before he obliterates u down to ur very essence i guess

ROXY: itd also make for an extremely suckass rest of this picnic if thats what ur choosin johnny boy

JOHN: uuuuhh...

You’ve been caught in a hellish bungee jump from crippling nausea to desperate hunger and back again, ever since that accursed gastrointestinal sound off.

You feel sweat forming, clammy against your skin, as though all the vital juices are slowly being squeezed out of you. You hear your name called out once again and look up, look through the haze of your own private freak-out session, to see Callie and Roxy presenting a united front of concern, both personal and existential.

JOHN: ... i think i’ll just have the-

ROXY: of course! god callie were so smart

CALLIOPE: we are?

ROXY: yea

CALLIOPE: ok!

ROXY: john we REALLY cant push this back any longer but your zappy shiz has got all kinds of weird canon properties dont it?

JOHN: uh, yeah. them’s the 8r8ks, as they say.

ROXY: lmao i caught that u n8rd

JOHN: but we’re talking... like out loud...

ROXY: oh yea then explain this

ROXY: *wonk*

JOHN: woah

ROXY: thats right

ROXY: fuckin genius wizard magic science central all up in this bodacious noggin

Calliope gives her partner a nudge so slight, it wouldn’t even register on one of Jade's atomic scales.

CALLIOPE: *ahem*

ROXY: ANYWAY!

ROXY: the hypos

ROXY: the hypothez

ROXY: the hypothesesesis i wuz bout to propose is that u should take ur busted self back to this morning an give ur tummy acid something to work on before we meet up for this serious business

ROXY: its not even time travel so it should be fine right callie?

CALLIOPE: very probably! since yoUr retcon ability can transport yoU not only throUgh time and space, bUt also throUgh their respective domains of canonicity, you shoUld have the Ultimate workaroUnd to the dastardly effects of circUmstantial simultaneity, which has eternally plagUed every other being to ever exist within paradox space!

ROXY: so fuckin smart

JOHN: easy as that, huh?

ROXY: believe it ;)

The mind blowing wizard science hypothesis cuts through your brain-funk like an incredibly unshitty katana, some fuckin nerd probably sold their kid and got on a plane to Japan just to buy it, it cuts so good.

Having been miraculously provided with an out from the situation, you realize just how much pressure you felt surrounding the decision. Honestly seems it kind of nuts to you now. That Rose would leave something this important until the last minute, especially since it feels like everyone but you already knew about it. You suppose you’ll have to keep from dwelling on that until after you’ve stepped back from this cosmic deadline. At least you’ll get the chance to ask Jade or maybe even Dave for advice, new perspectives, friend stuff. It’s been way too long since you guys last hung out and this is certainly as good an excuse as any.

JOHN: ok so

JOHN: i guess i’ll see you soon?

ROXY: if u have any questions just go find us well be around

ROXY: now go on git

CALLIOPE: good lUck!

You close your eyes and breathe deeply, centering yourself. You reacclimatize to the disastrously powerful thing inside you. Ignoring the sounds of the outside world, you think back to the ominous start of today. You think about anime dreams and desolate houses, lonely rooms with only the ghosts of memories for company. You find your thoughts wandering to the phone call you had with Rose, another first time in far too long, and what kicked this whole thing off.

You hold the sound of the Ghostbusters ringtone in your mind.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in...

_> JOHN: Zap._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> This is a very preliminary nugget of where things are headed, and I have no idea what I'm doing.
> 
> VERY new to this writing stuff, so please let me know what you think!


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